Since the “cat has been let out of the bag” by my colleague at office … officially by the 1st lady in our company, i can say/do anything i wish to
I am leaving my company at the end of June 2009, to go to Shanghai. The singular reason I am doing as such is to realize what is important to me. A relationship which I want to bring to the next level. A relationship which I want to embrace. Finally, I will get to be with my dearest gf in Shanghai. (Sorry dear, for making you wait so long …)
Of course, there are many reasons why I would not mind the move. (1) I have always been looking outside of Singapore for opportunities. Being kept in Singapore is like being held in a cage. You grow up, but you remain restrained. I might be leaving many things behind, but I am sure I will adapt to new environment fairly quickly. (2) Singapore is too small to fuel my ambitions. I want to do more. I want to grow up faster and grow up to be bigger. I’ll leave this open for interpretation … (3) It sometimes feels as though you become more appreciated when you are not there to call on 24/7. I’m feeling stifled by the closed proximity of my mum and I really like to get away. I do care for her, but possibly it might be better if we all were not so physically nearby. It seems to work out very well with my brother, staying outside.
I heard many contrary views from families and friends with regards to my leaving now … “in this economic down turn” … “you better get a job first” … If I had to wait to get something first all the time I would never get anything done. (a) Like my boss said, if you were to wait to get the proposal ready before you made the appointment, the call to make the appointment just gets pushed again and again. On the other hand, if you had already made the appointment, then you would have no choice but to make the proposal complete by then. (b) Similarly, if you had to wait before you saved a 100k before you thought of starting up something for yourself, then you can continue to wait till your drive and passion dissipates.
My gf calls me a man with big dreams … people who know me well enough, would know how big my dreams are … I’m not trying to contain/conceal them, in fact, I want to let as many people know as possible, so I can get as much help from people as I can get. Yet, I am unsure as to who I should turn to. Perhaps, its a lack of focus … I guess, when it comes down to personal things, I tend to get all muddle headed and can’t get the same swiftness and clarity that I use to deal with my clients’ projects.
I’m honestly afraid of what the future will bring, especially so with the environment being so uncertain. However, I believe I am surrounded by people who truly care for my well-being and with their help and encouragement which is added on to my determination I would be able to get through anything.
In dealing with any difficult situation, I learn that there are only a couple of battles that you can fight and win. I can’t win it all and its better to have both parties win some. The interesting phrase by my gf: “In a cooperation, one side loses. In a collaboration, both sides win.” Might not be truly pertinent in all context! A great change is taking place, even at work … many issues are being surfaced … much exasperation is being uncovered … you win some, you lose some … “hidden skeletons”, “under-the-bed monsters” … these are all scary things to bring up and there will always be the under currents which will slip through the radar and be left to rot the minds of those who are swayed.
In realizing this decision to leave, I had learn much about myself, uncovering what was most important in my life and deciding that I wanted most. I’m thankful for this and I thank God for having brought me thus far. I continue to put my faith in Him to bring me forward and onwards …